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7 September 2009.7 tahun 2 bulan..

I don't know what happened to us now.Me,you, and her.
I just want to tell you that it is my fault, to let it happen.
I don't know why, i love her...( maybe it is irrational for you,but this is the truth..)
I feel she is like my own sister...

Whatever happen right now,i hope both of you happy...
and can be honest each other...

Maybe this is the time,for you..
to release me to grow up by my own foot..
Maybe this is the time, for me to decide everything by myself..
Maybe this is the time, for you to feel happiness (that might be possible when you are with me)
With me, only tears,and pain...
With me, only riddle...

I don't know how to love, especially to give unconditional love..
Maybe this is the time, for me to wake up in the morning without your ring..
Maybe this is the time, for me to sleep without your good night whisper...
Too many maybe..

I just could encourage myself to say Maybe...
Because i can't face the fact...
That this is the time...

Send my love to her,
I promise, I'll always wish the best for her...and for you..

Maybe,
Genduk

The Best Of Me:Bryan Adams

Sometimes words are hard to find
I'm looking for that perfect line
To let you know your always on my mind
ya this is love - n' i've learned enough to know
i'm never lettin' go
no, no, no - won't let go

When you want it - When you need it
You'll always have the bets of me
I can't help it - believe it
You'll always get the best of me

I may not always know whats right
But I know I want you here tonight
Ganno make this moment last for all your life
Oh ya this is love - n' it really means so much
I can tell from every touch
no, no, no - can't get enough

When You want it - When you need it
You'll always have the best of me
I can't help it - believe it
You'll always get the best of me

Losing My Religion

Oh, life is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no, I've said too much
I set it up

(chorus)
That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight, I'm
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

Every whisper
Of every waking hour I'm
Choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
Like a hurt lost and blinded fool, fool
Oh no, I've said too much
I set it up
Consider this
Consider this
The hint of the century
Consider this
The slip that brought me
To my knees failed
What if all these fantasies
Come flailing around
Now I've said too much
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try

But that was just a dream
That was just a dream

(repeat chorus)

But that was just a dream
Try, cry, why try?
That was just a dream
Just a dream, just a dream
Dream

Monday Morning:Rialto

At eight oclock we said goodbye, thats when I left her house for mine. she said that shed be staying in - well she had to be at work by nine. so I get home and have a bath, and let an hour or
Pass; drifting in front of my tv, when a film comes on that she wants to see.

Its monday morning 5:19, and Im still wondering where shes been, cos every time I try to call I just get her machine. and now its almost six am, and I dont want to try again, cos if shes
L not back then this must be the end.

.at first I guess shes gone to get herself a pack of cigarettes, a pint of milk, food for the cat, but its midnight now and shes still not back.

Its monday morning 5:19, and Im still wondering where shes been, cos every time I try to call I just get her machine. and now its almost six am, and I dont want to try again, cos if shes
L not back then heaven knows, what then, is this the end?

At half past two I picture her in the back of someone elses car - he runs his fingers through her hair... oh you shouldnt let him touch you there!

Tingkatan yang lebih tinggi

Manusia, terdiri atas 3: jasmani, nafsi, dan ruh.
Ruh, ditiupkan dalam jasad yang terbentuk dirahim, datang sendiri ke dunia ini.
begitu juga kondisi ruh, ketika harus kembali ke penciptanya, dia sendiri.Tapi, meskipun sendiri, ruh tentunya pulang ke penciptanya, dengan kondisi tingkatan yang lebih tinggi, lebih berkualitas.Itulah mengapa, ruh ditiupkan dibumi, menjadi manusia.. untuk belajar, dan meningkatkan kualitasnya.
Manusia terkadang mengabaikan point ini, padahal untuk meningkatkan kualitas ruh kita, tidaklah rumit, kembalilah padaNya.
bagaimana caranya kualitas kita lebih baik?parameter baik atau tidaknya pastinya hanyalah Allah yang tahu, tapi setidaknya kita dapat berusaha, antara lain, dengan tabah menikmati semua ujian yang kita hadapi, dan kembali padanya.Mendekatkan diri padanya, dan kembali ke jalanNya.
Kita tidak bisa tahu kualitas kita, tapi setidaknya kita berusaha kembali padaNya dengan kondisi yang lebih BAIK.

-Salam-
Ruh yang masih terbungkus nafs labil

Orang orang tabah

Ada sebuah cerita,tentang orang yang tabah menghadapi cobaan.
Sekelumit cerita tentang pengalaman salah seorang sahabat.

alkisah,sahabat saya (E) bekerja di sebuah perusahaan ternama di Jakarta, harus mengganti uang 95 juta pada hari H,terhadap salah satu klien perusahaanya. Hal ini sebenarnya bisa dihindari, apabila ada orang yang mau mengakui kesalahannya dan berkata: Ini salah saya, saya kurang teliti mengeceknya.saya minta maaf, bagaimana kalau kita selesaikan bersama?
hanya sepenggal kalimat simpel....
tapi banyak sekali kejadian2 seperti ini terjadi di praktek kehidupan sehari hari, banyak orang tidak mau mengaku kesalahannya, diam saja, atau bahkan menimpakan beban kesalahan itu terhadap orang lain.
ck...ck...ck...
hidup, memang perlu ketabahan.
seperti kasus yang dialami sahabat saya, karena authorizernya (selayaknya ibu sendiri bagi dia di kantor), dengan entengnya menanggapi keluhan klien yang merasa dirugikan dengan berkata: iya, maaf pak.memang ada kesalahan dari anak anak kami, mereka kurang teliti,si H (sahabat saya disebutkan namanya)tadi kurang teliti mengeceknya.
Subhanallah...
padahal draft 90 juta tersebut sebenarnya melalui beberapa tahap pengecekan, dimana notabene yang mengecek adalah semua tim dari bagian perusahaan itu.
Karena nama sahabat saya terlanjur disebut oleh atasannya, padahal kesalahan fatal bukanlah ditangan dia..
untuk mempertahankan harga diri, E bilang: ok, saya akan ganti semuanya.
satu hal yang membuat E terluka adalah: satu-satunya orang yang dia hormati, yang selalu dia tolong,berperilaku yang tidak adil terhadap dia.Dan orang yang sepenuhnya bertanggungjawab mengakui kesalahan yang terjadi hanya diam saja.
Inilah salah satu contoh orang orang yang kurang bertanggungjawab.
Meskipun demikian, ada hikmah dibalik semua itu..
E mulai sekarang lebih teliti dalam bekerja,dan setidaknya dia tidak harus jatuh bangun membantu atasannya karena atasannya sekarang merasa kurang enak untuk meminta bantuan dia dan jarang menyuruhnya.walhasil, E mendapatkan kembali uangnya 90 juta setelah sekian hari diurus, dan karena menunggu kurs dolar singapore bagus, E mendapatkan 300ribu.300 ribu mungkin bonus atas kebaikan E handle masalah ini, tapi luka yang sudah tergores...sangat membekas...
E sudah memaafkan teman teman kantornya, begitu juga atasannya.
Satu hal yang kita petik,masih ada beberapa orang tabah di dunia ini...meskipun penghianatan, kejahatan, kebohongan, masih jadi common practice di hidup ini..

crumb of memories

yah...ilmu hidup paling susah adalah IKHLAS...
semoga Allah memberi kekuatan untukku mempelajarinya..untuk menjadi ruh yang lebih sempurna..

-when it should be over-

my 2nd song (hand in my pocket)

I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five

I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm worthless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be quite alright
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is flicking a cigarette

What it all comes down to
Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving the peace sign

I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chicken shit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is playing the piano

What it all comes down to my friends
Is that everything's just fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is hailing a taxicab...

my first song(love... it just ain't enough)

love... it just ain't enough.



Now, I don't want to lose you, but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you, but I don't want to be the one to cry.

And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.

(Chorus)

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you, I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder, it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

(Chorus)

And there's no way home, when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.

Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough.
Oh, Oh, Oh, No.

It is my consequences, dear

ku tunggu sampai lukamu sembuh,
meski hingga pada saat itu,
aku mungkin sudah tidak ada kabar lagi.
aku mungkin sudah pergi..
Dan, kaupun berpikir..
aku tidak sabar menunggu.

Sungguh,bila engkau telah merelakan kepergianku..
maka aku akan pergi.
Sungguh, bila engkau telah melepasku..
maka aku akan melepasmu.

Ada awal, ada akhir...
bila memang ini sudah takdir...
semoga keberakhiran ini, memang kehendakNya,
bukan kehendak kita..
dan semoga,
kita dapat belajar dari pelajaran ini, untuk bab kehidupan berikutnya.

Hidup memang sementara,
bayak tangis, tawa..
namun, bila boleh berkata..
itu akan kita bawa, selamanya..

Maafkan aku,
maafkan aku,
Bila kata maaf belum cukup mengembalikanku padamu,
setidaknya akan mengembalikanku padaNya.

Aku memang manusia biasa..
yang berjalan di kilapnya dunia.
Aku memang datang sendiri..
dan akan berpulang sendiri.
Begitu juga engkau, dan yang lainnya.
bagaikan pohon bambu, ramping dan rapuh,
yang direndam air sungai yang berbau..
akan membuatmu kuat, sekuat baja..
tanpa ada satu pun rayap busuk mampu menggerogoti hatimu.
termasuk aku.

Aku akan pergi,
jika itu kehendakNya.

Terimakasih telah terima maafku..